ABOUT
Evidence of a vanished civilization has long been suspected to exist under the thick layer of earth laid down at the close of the last ice age. Known as the Bretz floods, numerous colossal tidal-waves of melted glaciers swept over Eastern Washington and down the Columbia River Gorge, ponding over the Portland area, and depositing silt, before flowing out to sea. Sand, gravel, and finally, clay covered all that had been created before 10,000 years ago, leaving no physical trace of existence for future generations of inhabitants. Psychic archeology, however, can sometimes probe to depths of hundreds of feet. Although not fully understood nor accepted by authorities, no one can argue with results. The Mystery Hole™ stands in mute yet undeniable testimony to the validity of following the mind’s eye with pick and shovel. No one would have suspected from looking at an ordinary wild blackberry patch in a suburban backyard, that Oregon’s most incredible archeological site lay waiting beneath. No one, that is, except those using their natural psychic abilities to “see” a Giant Double Arch™, a stupendous Gaping Tunnel™, and cryptic rock inscriptions appearing to be lazer-blasted in a strange stone-like material indistinguishable from our modern day concrete.
How was it dug?
Without being certain of who dug the Woodstock Mystery Hole, it is virtually impossible to determine how it was created. The absence of pick and shovel marks points to crude methods by a primitive people. However, this is given by some researchers as evidence of extraterrestrial activity. Indeed, marks not unlike laser-blasting are clearly visible on the walls of this gaping cavern, adding fuel to the fires of debate. Most experts and theorists do agree on one thing—it was not created by natural forces.
Why was it dug?
Perhaps the most puzzling mystery of all is the original purpose of the Hole. Theories have been hotly debated since the discovery of this enigmatic wonder by modern Man. Was it used as shelter? Was it a ceremonial kiva? Was it an outpost for beings from another planet? Did someone just dig a hole? Well, it seems that more questions than answers have been unearthed by the discovery of the Woodstock Mystery Hole.
How deep is it?
The Mystery Hole goes all the way to the bottom. The depth of the Woodstock Mystery Hole has never been accurately determined by modern scientific methods, and estimates vary greatly, but the over-all consensus is that it is very deep. Woodstock Mystery Hole.
What good is the Hole?
Moonbeam anticipates climb down depth-probing ladder. No one can say with authority that breathing the peculiar, cool air which wafts up from the Mystery Hole can cure any and every illness you might have. Nor that you will suddenly have more money than you know what to do with. Nor that you will find true love in less than a month. However, there are those who feel that they have been helped in health, romance, and/or money by breathing the Enchanting Vapors of Encouragement™.
HISTORY
History Mole™ of the Mystery Hole
Affectionately called Molokai by some admirers, the gargantuan History Mole embodies the spirit of obsessed diggers the world around: advancing with shovel poised and a gleam in the eye. Being photographed with Molokai is said to bring good fortune for diggers, and to ward off caving, running ground, and bad air.
At the Woodstock Mystery Hole. . . mirror wordplay sparks the uncovering of one of world's oldest archetypes - cleverest of diggers, that History Mole.
Symbolic of the spirit of determination for obsessed diggers everywhere, he stands silhouetted by moon or torch, perhaps now by trouble light, gripping his shovel, mumbling and smiling just a little. The dance of the History Mole is an ancient one, that brings to the nose tones of ore, turds, clay, fish and sand.
The History Mole in some ancient cultures with non-verbal histories was known as Molokai, an old wise digger who survived a major flood by digging a really long tunnel, and whose magic powers bring a bountiful harvest to gardens.
Some religious historians now attribute the miracle of the loaves and fishes to him, saying older information points to this event actually having been an unusually big bumper crop of bulbs and parsnips.
He is said to be a protector of gentle folk everywhere who pass through dark doorways. They say Molokai teaches us that the respectful and special task of uncovering dank and curious remnants of our past is necessary, if sometimes scary, and special guidance to artifacts is only given to those who have to courage withstand the revelation of each horrific or beautiful moment.
As a protector of healthy soil, Molokai reminds us that his shovel swings both ways. He is a champion of organic gardens and loves to collaborate on successive crop projects.
Perhaps some day, if we are allowed to read them, in the text of the Dead Sea Scrolls, we may find some written documentation of Molokai. For now, we welcome him back as a refreshing addition to our group of cultural icons.
ATTRACTIONS
ATTRACTIONS AT THE MYSTERY HOLE
“Black Obsidian” Mirror of a Higher Truth™
A colossal windstorm of monumental proportions toppled the Mirror in 2008, shattering it into a million pieces—give or take a few hundred thousand pieces. A fragment still provides a glimpse into the infinite depths of darkness, and those who dare to stare into it may find themselves face-to-face with a darker side of their personas. It is believed that each of us has a dark side that we reveal to no one, not even ourselves. Shocking personal revelations await those with the courage to gaze deeply into an awe-inspiring, fragment of the megalithic slab.
What will your reflection be in a piece of the entrancing “Black Obsidian” Mirror of a Higher Truth™?
A pocket-sized relic of the shattered Mirror is available at a surprisingly low price in our ever-popular Gift Shoppe.
Mystery Tower™
In the years following the unsolved mystery of its sudden horizontal realignment in 1988, the Mystery Tower has passed through many phases. At times it was 66.6% erect—at times only 33.3%. It stood at 100% for a time, inspiring all who bore witness to its height. Replacement of the giant “fluorite crystal,” shattered in the Realignment of ‘88, will be guided by cryptic inscriptions ensculptured on the Giant Double Arch™.
What’s the Mystery Tower for?
It may very well be years before its true purpose is determined. In the meantime, it serves as a holy beacon to Fun seekers, a rock gym, an axis mundi, and more. Until the transceiving fluorite crystal is ready, a sailing boat serves well as a substitute, rewarding climbers with mountain views and dreams of far-off worlds.
It has been said that a force powerful enough to charge the entire planet with positive energy could be generated from a tower such as the one depicted on the Arch.
“Silver” Two-way Window of Opportunity™
A tragedy—the shattering of the “Black Obsidian”Mirror—can be turned into opportunity, which is what has replaced the Mirror. In this case, the window of opportunity is “silver” and offers two ways of looking at it.
Mystery Wishing Pipe™
All who have wishes are encouraged to drop a coin in the Wishing Pipe. Visitors are astounded to learn that every wish is 100% unconditionally guaranteed for life.
Mystery Pole™
Black as the Hole itself, visitors defy gravity by gripping the Mystery Pole with gloved hands while descending from the Mystery Hedge Walk.
Giant Double Arch™
Moonbeam illuminates mysterious carvings in Arch. Perfectly aligned with the North Star, a stupendous arch stands guard at the entrance to the phenomenal gaping tunnel at the bottom of the sensational Woodstock Mystery Hole. The ratio of the height to width is precisely 1.618—the same ratio found in natural spirals from sunflower heads, to snails’ shells, to spiral galaxies. This “Golden Mean” of geometry was not determined until the 13th century! How could a primitive people have known the solution to a problem that took mathematicians centuries to unravel? Perhaps the architects were not so primitive after all.
No tool marks can be detected on the arch, lending credence to the theory that they were carved by a superior culture with sophisticated technology, which our civilization is only now developing. However, this “gods from the sky” theory fails to answer two big questions: “Why would an advanced civilization place a message-stone deep in the earth, and when will they return?”
Mysterious “carvings” on Giant Double Arch have endured the untold eons, but their meanings have been lost in the sands of time. Attempts to decode the ancient symbols have only added to the confusion. Is that really a flying craft with a pilot at the controls? Do those formula hint at a cure for cancer? Could the star pattern on the vault be a clue to the origin of mysterious visitors from space?
How Old is the Arch?
The novice archeologist might date the arch at less than 5,000 years, simply going by the thick over-layer of sediment from ancient floods. But, extraterrestrials who have mastered the art of laser blasting could put an arch anyplace they feel like.
The Door That’s Never Been Opened™
Perhaps the most incredible discovery of all: a massive, rough-hewn, but intricately carved, entrance to...? Could it be a subterranean city complex?
At the far end of a side tunnel in the very depths of the Mystery Hole™ sits a portal created in a scale unmatched even by the Giant Double Arch™. The vast, as yet immovable door speaks of a people whose height is almost unimaginable to us.
The subterranean complex hasn’t been found yet, but most researchers doubt that an entrance would have been created without something to enter. Only further excavations will unravel the Hole “truth”.
SAFETY
What do the authorities say?
The scientific establishment remains remarkably silent in the Woodstock Mystery Hole controversy. Perhaps, as some insiders speculate, they still haven’t figured it out themselves. Until they do, the whole family can join in on the fun of theorizing and postulating.
Is it safe?
Safety and protection are major concerns at the Mystery Hole. Since it’s not safe, protection is needed. For this purpose, liability waivers are available for signatures before descending into the depths.
LIABILITY WAIVER
I, the undersigned, do hereby certify that I must be out of my mind to climb down into a damp, dark hole when I’m perfectly safe where I am.
Signed __________________
Dated __________________
CONTACT
For many years, visitors have entered the depths of the Woodstock Mystery Hole™ to experience the excitement of descending into the depths and the thrill of climbing back to the surface. There has never been a charge for touring the Hole.
Although tours in person are no longer available to the public due to time constraints, anyone with internet access may experience the Mystery Hole from the convenience and comfort of their own computer, as you are doing right now. No more dirty hands and clothes.
To anwser your questions and unlock the mysteries
curerater@gmail.com
